If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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