The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
do nipples grow back?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
