she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
