He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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