but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
