My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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