is your mom at the bar?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
