I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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