you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
