i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
