oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
