Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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