my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
