Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if only i could text you this smell
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
