that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize