Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
