god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
