You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
