this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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