So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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