Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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