I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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