i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
