I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
