I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
