Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
