I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
