I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
