the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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