his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
