i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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