A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
