I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize