i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Two words: nipple clamps
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