I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize