Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
