Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
