I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
