It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
