so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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