don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
