idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
