Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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