So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize