Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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