I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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