WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
