I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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