dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
