hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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