You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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