census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
