i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
