hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
