took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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