dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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