The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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