So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
