Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
