my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
