Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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