I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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