I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
