It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
