Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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