My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
