it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
