Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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