I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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