Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's shark week go big or go home
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
