he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
