she woke up with a sticky ear
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize