Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
