Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
