So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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