All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
