I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
