I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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