I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
