Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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