maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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