Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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