Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
