my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize