there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
