Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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