So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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