He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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