I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
