Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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