and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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