I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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