sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
