Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
